This is the post I’ve been putting off, it’s one that I’ve wanted to write about for a long while now, but at the same time one I’ve been avoiding. I posted on Instagram & Facebook yesterday about how I have a tendency to play small. To hide pieces of myself because I’m afraid of rejection, and I’m afraid to be seen. Although it’s funny that these fears seem to be limited to certain areas of my life as I’ll get into below.
In 2019 I recreated my Creating Juniper business and over the last two years, there has been a rapid transformation which I will write about another time. However, this transformation has led me on a personal journey of self-discovery and along the way, I started dropping my fears and I’m here today to talk about the ones I’ve been hesitating to give a voice to.
I have been confronted with the fear of being seen, not being good enough, the fear of being judged, the fear of failure/success – depending on how you look at it. There have been many moments in the last 10-20 years where I have played small because of these fears but there are three moments recently that have highlighted them for me and it’s time to talk about them. Bring them into the light and show you that they’re only scary because they’re hiding in the dark.
My husband bought me a Circut back in 2020 after I could no longer teach mala making in-person, and I started designing t-shirt decals – 52 of them. I decided to go back to graphic design but I met resistance when I updated my old laptop to be compatible with the Cricut’s software making it incompatible with my Adobe CS5 software. The software I’d been using for the last 20 years, so I set it aside for a bit trying to figure out what to do.
Then when I joined Rosalyn Fung’s Client Attraction Academy I met a lady who has a kickass line of sassy coffee mugs & tops and I remember thinking, “Well that’s out, someone I know is already doing that, I don’t want to look like a copy cat.” Really?? Deep down I believe that there is enough to go around, or at least on the surface I thought I did, turns out there’s a lie I bought into that there isn’t actually enough to go around.
Hell, I make malas, millions of people are already doing that, but for some reason, the fears I worked through in that respect didn’t carry forward into designing decals for clothing. We, humans, are a funny lot!
The second instance was when I found myself being called back into using a pendulum and I couldn’t find one I liked - so being the creative being that I am I made my own. I thought perhaps I would make a few and put them in my Etsy shop to diversify my offerings. Then there was a video from a new friend where she said that she used to make and sell pendulums. Again this thought comes up, “Well, I can’t launch this new product now, someone I know is already doing/has done it already. I don’t want to look like a copycat.”
As I’m writing this all out in my journal I am struck with just how absurd it all is. There are billions of souls on this planet, collectively connected - all creating, there is going to be some overlap. We all have different voices and even if the message is similar it will be heard by different people.
I remember when I first started teaching people to make malas my husband asked me if I was concerned about teaching potential competitors. I didn’t hesitate to tell him that they can freely do so – those who are meant to be my clients cannot be taken from me. My energy cannot be replicated, I will resonate with different people and in different ways that are uniquely my own, there’s no competition. Two billion people could be making malas and there would still be people who needed me to create one for them. I believed this conditionally and couldn’t seem to apply it to other areas of my life out of fear.
It’s taken me a few months to even write about this, it’s been sitting in the back of my mind waiting for me to have all 52 decals completely designed and ready to launch on Etsy, and to assemble the pendulums before writing about them. So now, I’m going to do the opposite, I’m going to put myself on the spot and boldly claim that I am working on a line of decals and I am creating pendulums for my Etsy shop. I am letting go of that which is not me, not mine, and that which no longer for my highest good.
Today is the day I post about my ego keeping me small, using fears to keep me safe, and how I’ve been riding shotgun in my life. I am not the same person who started out making stock malas to revive my Creating Juniper Etsy shop after walking away from the Graphic Design industry.
I am reminded of a quote from Michelangelo;
“In every block of marble, I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”
It’s time, it’s time to stand up, let go, and be seen. The world needs your voice, your presence, and your gifts.
Thank you for reading.
Always
Juniper